Reckless Abandon

As I continue on this adventure, I want to be real on my blog, to let you all in on things I am struggling with, things the Lord is doing in my heart, things I need prayer for, and the ways I know I will see the Lord's miraculous power come through for me and for those around me (or half-way around the world!) again and again. This is me trying my best to be raw and vulnerable. Feel free to leave comments below.
On this incredible journey I call my life there are countless ups and downs. As I do my best to follow the Lord with reckless abandon, I struggle to only listen to his voice alone. In this world, it is often so hard to just Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him... (Psalm 37:7 NIV). Especially when we are bombarded by questions. As I am planning to return to India in only 3 weeks!, I have had many questions thrown in my direction. People consistently wonder how I will raise the support I need. They ask why I don't just finish school first. Why am I going back now? What am I accomplishing? What will I do when I get back in June? How can I afford not to work for another three months (since I have not worked since September 1 when I was getting ready to leave for India the first time on 9/12)? What will I do when I get back? Where will I live? Where will I go to school? Who? What? When? Where? How? And to tell you the honest truth, my answer to these questions: I have no idea! I DON'T KNOW. And that scares people. Sometimes it even scares me. This was never my plan, of course my heart is still in India and I am beyond thrilled to be going back, but I never imagined this would be the course my life would take. I always thought I would attend all four years of college at Indiana Wesleyan University, graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Nursing, work for a couple of years to save some money, meet the man God created just for me, get married, and then move overseas to be a full time missionary. Hmm....for some reason I don't think things are turning out the way I had planned, but just like the Lord always does, He gently reminds me of truths I have known for so long, yet sometimes I still forget. He gently chided me stating, "Good thing you are not in control, I AM." So it is ok that I don't know, because He does. No matter how crazy what I am doing may seem to me or to the rest of the world and even though I may have no idea what I will be doing in June when I get home, I can find peace in the truth that I am not in control.
“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:31-34 NLT)
So often when I get caught up in the details or I start to worry about tomorrow, I hear the whisper in my heart reminding me to "Be still, know I AM GOD ALMIGHTY, wait patiently, and trust me."
The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 19:11-13 NIV)
So often God is in the whisper and I don't even hear it. Be still. Wait patiently. Listen for the whisper.