Unfailing God

Though my eyes may fail me, I will follow after you

Though your promise seems forsaken, I remember the World's in Your Hands

You'll find me singing

You are unfailing God, Your love's unending

And Your Word is eternal, firm in the Heavens it stands

Eyes can't see but I feel You near

I know You're working through my tears

I trust You, LORD I TRUST YOU FOR YOU NEVER WALK AWAY

You are unfailing God, Your love's unending

And Your Word is eternal, firm in the Heavens it stands

UNFAILING GOD, UNFAILING GOD

YOUR LOVE IS UNENDING

-New Life Worship, "Unfailing God"

I find comfort and peace through this song. But I also find myself challenged and inspired. God is unfailing. His love is unending. So why do I fear? Why do I let satan back me into the corner. Why can't I be bold for my Savior? Why do I fear the unknown? Why is it so challenging and stretching for me to trust God and follow Him where He leads one step at a time. I am inspired....because no matter what satan may throw at me, my God is unfailing. He is mighty to save. He never walks away. I want to stop hiding behind my insecurities, my doubts, my fears, my lack of knowledge, and my inability to comprehend His ways. He is unfailing.

"a love that requires absolute assurance in order to act is not love...when we can say we will follow God regardless of the uncertainty, then real faith is born - for love acts not whenever a certain set of criteria has been met, but rather because it is in the nature of love to act." ~Pete Rollins

Terminal Restlessness

I cannot forget. My heart cannot be mended.

My eyes cannot stop seeing. I cannot forget.

In my experiences working at the hospice center, I have learned a new term: terminal restlessness. When I first started working there I honestly thought terminal restlessness was just a technical sounding term the nurses made up for patients we can't keep in their beds. But after about a month of working there, I finally realized it is a real diagnosis that often occurs in terminally ill patients. It causes them to never be still. They squirm around even in their sleep. They cannot be still. They cannot find rest.

I finally realized what is wrong with me. I am terminally restless. I mean I can sleep and sit still, though my mom would probably beg to differ as she claims (and I admit she is right) I have always had a hard time being still, but I can't shake this restlessness in the depths of my soul. My eyes have been opened to things in this world that I am not ok with. I can't go back to mindlessly sipping my starbucks chai tea, when I know how good the chai in India tastes (it originated there after all). Ok but on a more serious note, I can't go back to how I was and I would never want to. I can't live comfortably here when I have sat on the dirty alley way of a small leper colony conversing with "the least of these."I have seen their "houses" that are really just very small roomd consisting of a wooden bed and very few personal items where sometimes 5 people or more may live. I have grasped their disformed hands in love and I have even bandaged their deep, scarring wounds. The images are frozen in my mind and my heart is broken for them as I think of how the only "job" they can get is as a beggar because in India they truly are the lowest class. I cannot be content with the mundane of just going to work to get money to sustain my comfortable life, when I have lived with 21 kids who sleep on ten bunk beds (2 to each bed) all lined up in one room. They possess so few personal possessions. Their parents are no where to be found, they only have God and each other and yet their joy overwhelms me. I cannot forget how passionately they pray and how loudly they sing praises to our King. I cannot forget the kids who lived on the street my team lived on. Their faces are etched into my heart. I once held a sweet baby girl on our front stoop. She fell asleep in my arms and since I didn't know where she had come from, I just held her close until someone came and took her home. I cannot forget what it feels like to hold these precious, dirty, neglected kids who don't know what the arms of love feel like. I cannot forget the small room at the slums that 70 kids would cram into just to get a glimpse of Jesus' love for them through 5 inadequate Americans willing to be there. I know our white skin helped us draw a crowd as it is quite a fascination in India, but I am confident it was Jesus' Love in us that really drew those kids in. They were desperate for a taste of it. Just a handshake (Indian style of course) or a hug. Anything to tell them that they are worth something. I cannot forget the way the kids in and around the leper colony would literally fight over us to the point that we were lucky to leave everyday with our arms and legs in tack in their desperate struggle for a taste of love and attention. I cannot forget the hopeless look in the eyes of the countless beggars. I cannot forget their desperate need for a Savior to overthrow the thousands of "gods" of the hindu religion. The awesome thing is: I know the one, true Savior who is just the one to do it. I know the One who loves the people of India, His people so desperately. He loves them and He wants them back. He cares so much for them and because of that, He has given me a passion to love them too.

My eyes have seen. My feet have walked the dusty and dirty streets of India, through the city, the leper colonies, the orphanages, the slums, and even the hindu temples. My ears have heard the cries of the hurting. God has truly ruined me for the ordinary of this world. He has afflicted me with terminal restlessness, but oh how grateful I am for this affliction. I am grateful for the way God has broken my heart for the things that break His heart. I am grateful that He has allowed me to experience and see these things with my own eyes so that He could instill this intense passion in me.

I cannot forget. I do not want to forget.

***I am not saying everyone needs to leave everything behind and go to some far off land...we are all called to different things. God instills different passions in each and every one of us. He calls us all to different areas of ministry. That's how His work is accomplished because it just wouldn't work if we all did the same thing. There are important and greater works to be done here in america and I do not doubt that at all. As well as there are greater works to be done everywhere. Where God calls you personally is where you should be "terminally restless" to go. Whether it is to your workplace where you are a light to your coworkers or if it is to the farthest corners of the world. Wherever you are called live boldly in His love and glorify Him in everything...I really do think it is that simple.***